Barking Hello

I received this letter from an anonymous dog today. It was a little hard to read so I rewrote it in English for my readers.

Dear Lassie,

I too have had little experience with reading and even less with spelling. But my master thinks she's the boss of me. When people come to the door she tells me to stop barking at them...I'm just trying to say hello to whoever is at the door. She keeps telling me she'll put me in timeout in the bathroom if I don't stop barking. I don't understand why she wants me to stop. I scare the bad guys away when I bark so why doesn't she like it? How can I learn talk so we don't have so many problems? Just remember that I am 10 years old and I can't learn new tricks.

Here's what Lassie says:

Dear Barker, 
Your owner might not like your barking because humans aren't intelligent enough to tell the difference between saying hi and scaring bad guys away. You might want to bark softly or just wag your tail when you're saying hi. Also, I learned that the mailman is not really a bad guy. Sometimes humans think they have a good enough alarm system already, but a dog is a better alarm, so if it is a bad guy--bark!

About not learning new tricks, my friend who writes the blog part of this read a book called Can an Old Dog Learn New Tricks? She learned that the myth is wrong: an old dog can learn new tricks! Don't be discouraged by your age. Learn something new to prove to yourself--and your owner!--that you are smart.

Love, Lassie

Dear Owner,

Did you know that dogs have many different kinds of barks? The main barks are saying hi and scaring people away. There is a difference. If the dog is wagging her tail, it means she is saying hello. If the dog is really serious, it means he is scaring the person away. Now, don't punish your dog for her barking. Don't think dogs should only say hello, but not scare people away because you already have an alarm system. A dog is a much better alarm than a man-made one. Try harder to understand what your smart dog is saying and things will go better for you and your dog (and your visitors).

Love, Lassie

Everyone should try to understand their dog better. You should also check out the book that Lassie mentioned, Can an Old Dog Learn New Tricks? It has lots of fun facts (and myths) about animals.

Lucky Charms?

Dere lassie,
parden my spellin but i am only 3 an my ownr does not read with me much. i hve a problum. my ownr insists on puttin these funni charms on my neklace. one has my name and fone numbr which is ok but the othr one has some guy on it holding animals. sum sort of person in a cherch. i dunno who he is or why i am waring it. anyway, the problum is that the too charms make a lot of clinging and clanging win i walk. mom saz she likes it but all the udder dogs laff at me. this won dog in my nayborhood starts barking befor i even get in frunt of hiz howse becuz he hears me coming. plz help!
sinzerly, 
Oliver Lee Green

Dear Oliver Lee Green,

Is this the guy? If it is, then you have a picture of Saint Francis. He is the protector of animals. The pope (leader of the Roman Catholic church) has taken the name Francis after this man. The tag is to protect you. To stop the clanging noise, write something to your owner telling them to take off your name tag and embroider your name and number on your necklace. Since 1 tag doesn't have anything to clang with, the other dogs shouldn't laugh at you. If they don't stop, then report it to Saint Francis and they will stop. The dog that barks won't hear you coming anymore. I'll tell your owner to make sure she gets it.

Love, Lassie

Dear Ms.Green,

I would like to inform you of the unhappiness of your awesome dog, Oliver. He does not like his tags because they clang. The other dogs laugh at him and one dog barks because he can hear Oliver coming before he sees him. Oliver wants to tell you that his name tag should be taken off and the information embroidered on his collar. (My idea.) I made sure to tell him who the guy holding animals on the other tag is, too. I said that tag was of Saint Francis, the patron saint of animals, and he would protect him. If the rude dogs continue to laugh at him, I said to report it to Saint Francis, but maybe you could talk to their owners, too. Please help Oliver stop clanging and get that embroidered collar! It's safer, too, that way his name tag can't fall off and get lost.

Love, Lassie

About Love, Lassie

Love, Lassie  is an advice blog that is written to help solve problems that people have with their dog. You write a question to me and I write an answer as if I'm Lassie. Lassie is a famous dog, by the way.
The question is what to do when your dog doesn't like to be brushed.

Dear human's name,
To fix this problem you could...
Brush gently. Sometimes the dog doesn't like to have his hair pulled. Humans don't like it. Why should we?
Give her/him some treats when you are brushing. It makes brushing associated to treats. Treats are yummy.

Love, Lassie

I also write a letter as Lassie to the dog:

Dear dog's name,

I know you don't like to be brushed, but no one really does. I didn't. In fact, I still don't. But I'm sure you could act nicely if you got some treats. With me, this was fixed with my pet, Rudd Weatherwax, brushing gently. I'm sure your pet is capable of that.

Love, Lassie